Just finished another stress relief piece I did with color pencils. I haven't touched color pencils for a really long time and well since this is meant to be a stress relief piece, I didn't dwell myself with the technicalities of it all. Over all I was pretty happy how it turned out.
Though the scanner didn't do it justice though D; it's really hard adjusting it since even here the softer colors completely disappear. ┐('～`；)┌ oh well. If you guys happen to meet me face to face I'd show you the original haha. It's definitely less choppy than the scanned version lawl!
This is one of my few symbolic pieces as I wanted something that would reflect what I was thinking at the moment ( ﾟヮﾟ) For this piece, I was going through a huge moment of self doubt so I wanted to get it out of my system and drew this piece.
The konpeito (if it looks like them at all), represents other people and their potential, mainly it's to represent the people around me whom I admire always for their abilities in their personal and professional lives. Hence them being all in pretty colors and all. I wanted to also portray how much I adore them.
The boy (my OC, Leo), represents my views upon the world. He's at that age where he's old enough but still naive and influential towards others comments thus he decides to stay in the bottle and "grow up" a little more before he becomes a full fledged konpeito himself. Whilst he awaits for the time he's ready, he gazes at the other floating konpeitos longingly, awaiting the day that he too can join them.
The bottle represents the state I think I'm in now. And the red string that holds the bottle jar's cap represents fate. And the kanji sentence 「私の番はいつかな？」 means "When's my turn?".
I've always felt that I'm the last in the race against others so I don't like putting myself in that situation. I always like to focus on the race I have with myself more than anything since I believe that different people have different growth rates. I for one, am a definite late bloomer so I often think of myself as a living proof of that fact. So whenever I do compare or put myself in a race against others, it takes a toll on my self-esteem.
But lately, a friend on mine expressed his views on this subject. He mentions that if you're not winning the race against others, it doesn't matter since you'll miss alot of the jest in things and someone else would've achieved it first. But does that make achieving success redundant? I've been taught that success is success no matter how long it takes you to achieve them. He simply is stating his beliefs I know, but since I respect and look up to him alot I can't help but wonder if that is true? Would I always end up being the "loser" if I were to be in a race against my peers?
But I'm just holding it in until I know my potential for sure. I believe this year will be an opportunity for me to really test my abilities and see if I do or do not have what it takes to even compete with them. But sometimes I just can't help but wonder, as I put in the extra load of effort in, "When's my turn to shine?"
Hopefully that time will be soon ('A`) Hopefully I'll become a konpeito myself soon.
Anyways!! I hope you like it as much as I had fun doing this piece :D
Meiko-chan posing for you in today's motivational post (`･ω･´)
Hey Guys! ( ﾟヮﾟ)
Today's post is to talk about different perceptions between self confidence and narcissism. Now why the sudden urge to voice about this topic you say? Well I notice especially amongst artists I know, they often denote themselves on the note of not to be narcissistic. But I find this to be rather a misuse of the term "Narcissism".
I mean, what's wrong with being proud of your own works especially if you've poured your whole heart and soul into making it? I don't mean that you should gloat or anything but rather just acknowledge your efforts and improvement in skill rather than putting it down and treat it as scrap paper.
Okay, so to shed more light on the proper meaning of this topic, here's what wikipedia's definition for the term 'Narcissism'.
or an indifference to the plight of others.To further explain, the wikipedia page also listed down traits that are believed to belong to Narcissism which I took the liberty of including below:
Okay so we all have a tinge of Narcissism in us whether we want it or not. But where being proud of your own works are concerned, I don't see points above that contribute to reaffirming that being proud of your efforts is an act of Narcissism. So why is it that artists here think that by being sure with what you can or cannot do means that you'll be perceived to be someone filled with self-love?
It does saddens me sometime whenever I see a good artist whip up an awesome piece and you compliment their efforts, all you get is "EH! NO LA. this is scrap laaa". People are paying respect to your work and you. So by saying that it doesn't only make you rude but it's the same as you slapping someone's hand away when they want to shake yours. （ ´_ゝ`）
That statement might seem much to most people but think about it, it's basic manners. We were taught that when we received a gift or anything else from other people, we should say "Thank You". So isn't a compliment a gift of words? Penny for thoughts eih?
And think about it; if we, ourselves are not proud of our works, who else is going to? You can if you think you can. It's all about self-belief. Do you believe in yourself enough to acknowledge the good and bad in you and work on them?
If it's for the sake of Humility that most people tend to respond this way, then I sorry to inform those who disagree that that is not Humility. As quoted from many, many books;
"Humility is thinking of yourself less not thinking less of yourself."
That means, it's simply putting others above yourself but not stepping all over yourself. Everything in moderation. So putting yourself down to the dirt isn't being humble, that's just you painting yourself with a big ol' red bullseye mark and calling yourself a Doormat.
To confess, I was guilty of being the fake "humble" when I first started out in the drawing community too so it happens to everyone obviously. I actually was very influenced by the artists I look up to in the community to the point that I pick up every single trait they have; both good and bad. But reading books about principles and self discovery has taught me many things and amongst those is being proud of who you are and what you can do.
Every one has things only they can do and things they can't, but hey. Isn't that what makes us individuals?Being special in our own way? So what's so demented about standing proud and acknowledging these things about ourselves? Aren't we taught to celebrate our differences?
I've been blessed enough to have parents that instill the right principles in me since young and they also taught me that knowledge is useless until you spread it to others. So here's small bit of what I've been taught;
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. People often compare their weaknesses to others' strengths so of course you'll end up "losing" in that argument. What we need to do is sharpen our strengths and work on changing our weaknesses into our strengths. Until you can differentiate and be sure of what you can or can't do, the only person you need to be in competition with is yourself.
That's it for today. ( ﾟヮﾟ) I hope this post gives you a few penny for thoughts the next time someone gives you a compliment of your efforts in anything. Have a great day guys!
old picture is old haha. I even had my highlights back then. （ ´_ゝ`）
Hey guys!! How are my little daisies today? （´∀｀）ノ
Okay so most of you who are on my facebook and twitter would already know about this and this would probably serve as extra spamage but......................
I GOT INTO NANYANG ACADEMY OF FINE ARTS HOLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY CRUMBCAKESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (屮ﾟДﾟ)屮
YEAP!! I was SUPPPER surprised when one of the ladies in Nanyang called my cellphone and told me to check my email or the documents and on top of that, I GOT THE GOVERNMENT GRANT!!! (ﾟДﾟ;≡;ﾟДﾟ) what that means is that, by cutting my fees in half (which is a HUGE help for my parents), I'll get to work in Singapore for 3 years. HOW COOL IS THAT? Σ(ﾟДﾟ) Not only I get my fees discounted but I get a guranteed job the moment I leave University!! ★ I'm feeling ultra blessed right now, THANK YOU GOD!!
To tell you the truth, I was more surprised about the grant than me getting accepted into Nanyang. (((( ；ﾟДﾟ))) I mean, I'm like 10000% shocked for sure at my acceptance but getting the grant was such a far-fetched idea for me, I almost cried when I heard the news. I actually even asked Ms Hiedi (the one that called us and helped us alot with our preparations and all), "Are you sure?!" LAWL!!
But all in all thank you so much for all the numerous support I received for preparing for the exam and all. (´ಥωಥ`) Especially in my moments of self doubt, I managed to pull myself together at the exam thanks to the support of those around me ★
Which means, I'll be in Singapore by July so preparations for logistics, Student Passes starts now. ( ﾟヮﾟ) So from July on, blog posts will be coming straight from the land of the Merlion!!! Do anticipate them!!
On the other hand, I've been slowly getting back into groove of drawing illustrations frequently. （´∀｀）At one time, it seems drawing too much manga has distorted my illustration flow for some reason and I can't seem to whip out illustrations like my friends or how I used to. (´；ω；`) But thankfully as of late, it's slowly coming back. I think it might be thanks to the increase of new music into my iTunes lately.
For this picture, I simply got the urge to draw a "sexy" themed couple picture. I really do appreciate pictures that can emphasize sensuality without showing off more than needed. It's like beautifully written love story without unneeded scenes of you-know-what haha. And plus since I always draw milder couple pictures, I thought why not give one a go. It just so happens that I felt like drawing Nadjwa and Ethan again. They seem to be my favourite duo whenever I feel like drawing couples haha. ┐('～`；)┌
Though I often elate any doodle or illustration I draw of my OCs to the actual story I wrote them in, this picture has no place in 「INTOXICATED」's storyline whatsoever haha. So don't worry, no raging hormone scenes will be entering my mangas anytime soon.
Anyways, speaking of new music, whenever I draw I often have a playlist in my iTunes to match whatever I aimed to draw. ( ﾟヮﾟ) Like for example, whenever I'm writing or drawing Le Noir materials, I'll loop my Le Noir playlists where I have picked music I felt was suited for Le Noir's scenes and moods. SO of course, while drawing this picture, I put on my "too sexy for anythin' yo" playlist (haha YES that's what it's called). I've shared names of a few songs that are in that playlist below.
What about you? Do you have those mood based playlists? ( ﾟヮﾟ) If you do, what are they and what kind of songs you have in them?
I'm a day late but HAPPY VALENTINES to those who enjoy it with another (family or not), and HAPPY S.A.D day to those celebrating being single proudly haha.
For those who are living in Malaysia, we've all heard of the "Valentine Day Trap" campaign where several Muslim Departments rally together in campaigning against celebrating Valentine's Day for Muslims since they rationalized that it's a Christian based celebration (or in some cases, Greek based) and that it promotes pre-marital sex at the end of the day especially amongst the younger generation. Not to mention, they claim that it's a way for the Christians to pull Muslims into committing sins and embracing Christianity. (I know right ;;; )
As a young Muslim today, I definitely disagree with this. I was initially extremely appauled at the deplorable state of mind these departments have for other religions. I mean c'mon. It's VALENTINES.
Sure, yes, Valentines is based on the Christian priest, St. Valentines but it's to celebrate his love for his religion and the fact that he helped alot of people during his time in prison. Today it's not like people go to churches to celebrate Valentines. And not everyone spend it with their boyfriend or girl friend. (` q `;;) I mean, like I always spend it with friends and family. It's to celebrate our love for each other.
I mean isn't that what Islam is all about too? Love and embracing everyone regardless of who they are? I know at least the Prophet Muhammad S.A.W embraced others regardless of how he was treated. Aren't we taught to exemplify him?
Over all in all I was disappointed on how the departments were portraying Malaysian Muslims. Now people in and out of the country has a certain perception if you're a devoted Muslim. (.__.;;)
REGARDLESS! ♪(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ I spent Valentines mainly drawing and doing work. Since my parents went out for lunch and all, I kept at my schedule. Oh and also spent time playing with my 3 year old sister ♡
I also took the time to do a quick doodle to relief stress. IT WAS AWESOME! so here be my loot. Featuring Alois Trancy from Kuroshitsuji II. He's not my favourite but I love love love his designs! Done in a little over an hour with Pens and COPICs. haha it's refreshing to do it in a messy sketchy style ♡
It seems that lately all I've been tied up with is manga work and being cooped up in the house. There's nothing much to report since things have been less than colorful for the beginning of February. I wonder why? (` q `;;)
It's not that I'm complaining, but rather... these days I don't feel like doing anything. Even drawing or positive books don't really give me that much of a kick in the butt anymore ｶﾞ━━Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)━━ﾝ!! GAH, THE TRAGEDY. I don't feel like my usual energetic self these days.
Maybe it's because I'm anxious about my Nanyang results? Ｏ(≧x≦)Ｏ They only come out end of this month or in March. Or maybe it's because I miss my friends? I haven't seen some since Comic Fiesta 2010 and some I haven't heard of from for weeks already. (; q ;) Or is it because I've run out of new anime to watch? LAWL
It could also be because I'm kinda slacking in my manga work. Ｏ(≧xO;;)Ｏ It seems that recently I and Oyabin have come up with a schedule for all my unfinished manga work which is awesome and all. I mean if you don't plan to finish it, it won't finish. But I tend to feel very discouraged if I don't finish that day's quota and it makes me wanna finish it less and less. (.__.;;) oh dear.
GWAH! all in all maybe I just need a tight slap to the face and snap out of it. (ﾟｰﾟ)(｡_｡)ｳﾝｳﾝ I mean I'm 20 for goodness sake this year. Most kids my age are already in their second year or final year of college /sigh. and I'm not even in one yet. oh my goodness.
Come to think of it, most kids my age have something going for them. Singing, or drawing or entrepreneurship. (.______.;;;) .........................................oh man.
ksbdjfsbdjh OVER ALL IN ALL 8D I'm just gonna lay low and just...... relax for a bit. or do work. or something /orz haha I'm a mess 8D;;;;
well, minor minor updates ♥ anyways, as most who has been up to date with my current plans, I have applied into the Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts in Singapore not too long ago for enrollment in this year. After surveying and alot of Colleges and Universities in and out of the country and weighing the price of living and whatnot, I've decided on Nanyang for several reasons:
1) It's not too far from home. So if there was an emergency and my family needed me, it wouldn't be that much of a hassle to get back home.
2) It's reputation. Nanyang has had one of the most impressive reputations for Art Colleges in the South East region so why not!
3) but most of all; It's facilities for the 2D Animation Department is ASTOUNDING! I don't think I can find any other College with this much facility in 2D Animation with the price it's offering! ｶﾞ━━Σ(ﾟДﾟ|||)━━ﾝ!! The rest around this price is offering more towards 3D and this is like a once in a lifetime thing so OH YES BABY HIT JACKPOT YEAH. yes. 2D Animation is my second biggest passion other than Seiyuu and Manga haha.
But there's a catch; I have to pass their entrance exam. Yeap. they have one. Well the school isn't too big and I guess with the huge amount of applicants coming in every year, they had to have a way to filter the applicants.
But I'm extremely nervous to say the least. In fact I think I'd be decaffeinating bricks any moment now. o(>< )o ｏ( ><)oジタバタ I've never had my art evaluated in such a manner and neither had I had classes in art. So I'm pretty worried if I'd even be on par on the normal standard other applicants would've receive.
Neither have I been frequent in competitions either. The last time I was in an art related competition was a Junior Manga Competition and I merely got an "honorable" mention for "Best" concept. But that was highly due to the fact that I was the only 1 of 2 contestants out of 500+ contestants that submitted a shounen piece. But that story is for another day haha.
If you're wondering when the entrance exam is, take a wild guess ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/
...........it's this coming Sunday.
HAHAOMG. I just feel like running in a hole somewhere haha. My hand trembles everytime I think about it, BUT!!!
I want this. really bad. I believe, by getting through and entering Nanyang, I can renew myself with the knowledge and new environment. It's a chance for me to really strive and focus solely my passion. I really want this, I mean to the point I can't imagine what I'll do if I don't pass. So I'm just gonna keep my chin up and do my best!! 八(＾□＾*) ﾀﾉﾑ I hope I make it through! I've been practicing with my sketches everyday, so hopefully it'll pay off. Wish me luck guys!!(*･∀･)／♡＼(･∀･*)
on the other hand, to keep myself relaxed, I stumbled upon the PERFECT therapeutic tool when I'm, stressed out or doing work. ♪(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ
TADAAAAAAAAAAA! (￣▽￣)ノ＿彡☆バンバン！! the ultimate Hanaji fangirlism tool; Hitsuji de Oyasumi CD Collections!!☆
I stumbled across this ultimate relaxation tool whilst browsing through a few Otome Review Blogs and I think this is made of PURE GENIUS. Why and what actually is this you ask? Let me tell you hoho. (*≧▽≦)♪
The Hitsuji de Oyasumi Series is a series of CDs compromising of famous seiyuus (mostly male), counting sheeps (YES. SHEEPS.) To aid you to sleep better! How cool is that! I was very excited after hearing about it and was even more ecstatic to the fact that the first volume is of my two biggest seiyuu hero/crush to date; Akira Ishida and Hoshi Soichiro. I mean, these guys are responsible for making me so interested in seiyuu in the first place!! To have them actually lull me to sleep whilst counting sheep in the most SEXIEST of ways? AWESOME.
And not to mention, in between the 150th and 200th sheep, the seiyuu responsible of counting will ask if the listener is still awake and according to the type of character played, he will either tease, or tell you sleep soon. Where Akira Ishida is concerned, he played the yasashii character so he kept on counting even if the listener was awake, commenting that she tried her best in sleeping so praised he for it haha. But oh my lord, his voice was...........MAGNIFICENT to say the least.(*≧▽≦)♪
So far they've had an amazing cast joining in the fun including Daisuke Ono, Hiroshi Kamiya, Hikaru Midorikawa, Fukuyama Jun, Mamoru Miyano and many more!!
I haven't tried it when sleeping but I will try it later. So far it's never failed to relax me haha. I'm replaying it over and over and it actually helps me focus more! (ﾟｰﾟ)(｡_｡)ｳﾝｳﾝ Supposedly it's a sleeping aid but so far all the reviewers often comment that with such sexy voices, they ended up rolling in a pool of nosebleed rather than sleep haha!
This will definitely be on my list of things to buy if my trip to go to Japan comes through at the end of the year. Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ I'm a firm believer of supporting original goods so I always buy the original goods once I have the money especially if I download. It's important to support the people that inspire me daily! So JAPAN, HERE I COME ☆
Anyways, wish me luck guys!! I'm gonna do my best and think positive for the Entrance Exam and hopefully I'll be updating here in February with AWESOME news!! Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ がんばります！ファイト・・・・・・・・オオオオ！
My Deviantart Account has been giving me problems these past few days. At first it was denying me from entering my own page (wth right?) and now it's giving me this:
graaah. it's getting on my nerves lawl ;;;; I was editing the KAMCAO devART page too ... (ﾟｰﾟ)(｡_｡)ｳﾝｳﾝ
just thought that today was a beautiful day as I'm sitting down reading my motivational materials and my Baccano! soundtrack playing the smooth jazz rifts in the background so my hand itched to update on that haha. a few snapshots of my desk and stuff around it ♥
what I'm currently reading and listening to. ♪(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ Loving Baccano! soundtrack to pieces! It's extremely relaxing. I'll be sure to add that to my collection of ost someday. I do this everyday to prep myself for work and relax my mind. Oh and this book is awesome. a definite recommended read ☆
my mum bought me this brown polka dotted water tumbler! (*≧▽≦)♪ Too cute for words. Though I think it was quite pricey so thanks mum!
I'll leave you guys with this chibi Shinjiro I'm drawing haha. Thinking of doing Persona 3 Portable Stickers or badges. (either 1 not both). Which ones you think I should go for? (*･∀･)／♡
a little something I did for the KAMCAO website some time ago. Background image is credited to: 憂雨
Good Evening Guys! ( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/ｺﾝﾊﾞﾝﾊ
Firstly I'd like to thank all my wonderful friends and GAR members that commented on my previous post and even hand me some good old advice that got me looking forward and running again. (*≧▽≦)♪ I'm so blessed to have such wonderful friends that kick me in the butt and pat my head at the right moments. YOSH! I shall do my best!! Thank you to all my senpai-tachis for surrounding me with your warmth!
So how you guys like the new banner and color scheme? ♪(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉAfter reading through all the heart felt comments yesterday at my previous post, I thought that the theme ”ぬくもり” or "Warmth" would be a wonderful theme to start on for the year 2011 ☆
So I picked out an illustration that I did that fits the theme best and played around with it in Photoshop and VOILA! Not too shabby right? Ｏ(≧∇≦)Ｏ Oh and the Banner's extra brush is also the same as the background used for above's illustration so credit goes to the awesome artist. I even edited the Font Colors to match the illustration and feel ♡
Other than that, I also added new songs to the playlist on the right so feel free to play whenever you like! ☆ The first song is put as commemoration of the website's current theme and one of my current favourites; "ぬくもり" (Nukumori) by HOME MADE KAZOKU. This song never fails to keep me calm everytime I turn it on. (ﾟｰﾟ)(｡_｡)ｳﾝｳﾝ It's simply wondrous, the effect of the right songs has on your mental state. Other than that, I added "Hello Again~昔からある場所" by JUJU, "Break a Road" by Mamoru Miyano (a recommended listen!) and kept "ふたりごと" by RADWIMPS because I love it too much still. (*･∀･)／♡
I'm slowly getting productive again. I found some Gurren Lagann fanart that I did last year and gonna plan to complete a few before I go to KL again next weekend so I can scan them and upload them here 八(＾□＾*) がんばります！
Let me know what you think 'bout the new look of the blog yeah? (*･∀･)／♡＼(･∀･*)
The Zhang Brothers and Nadjwa having fun on new years days. Happy New Years guys! :D
Hey guys!
slight rant entry so long words and no pics sorry :X do turn away if it annoys you yeah?
been piped up and busy so barely managed to have much time to myself. :D things didn't stop getting busy from weeks before AFA X ; with the prints and preparations. Not to mention had a slight dilemma with having less than RM50 travelling to Singapore haha. Anyways, with the excitement over the weekend of AFA X, the moment we touched down in Malaysia, I found myself with a 3 day fever haha.
Thanks to my good friend, Germaine and "changing shifts in having fever" with my sister, I recovered soon but dived again into work when I heard about a certain publishing companies' Audition announced just 1 month before the deadline. It was an audtion made for manga and opened for international artists. I didn't think twice and dove right in. I didn't even hesitated in the short time period given.
But a chat with a good friend of mine did make me questions my methods in diving into work so fast. He did mention that I was "taking the world on my shoulders" by doing this and frankly, I didn't think that it was that big a deal. If I get it, I get it. If I don't better luck next time...right?
Well as weeks rolled over, I speed up the production process. With the help of my sister cum manga assistant, we were doubling our work pace but the window of opportunity is closing fast. We even had a local convention that weekend so we shifted our work place to our KL apartment. It was treacherous, draining and very taxing on our physical and mental state.
Everytime I feel like throwing in the towel, I'd remember what many told me about my current state in work and I'd burn with a feeling to succeed. To prove them wrong. They'd always mention how when I plan something big, it'll always fall short before coming to light. Well I was determined to prove that, that isn't the case. After all no matter how much effort I put into something, if the result doesn't show, there isn't much to be proud off right?
With these thoughts in mind, I tolled myself to finish the 42 page manga, with the undying support of many of my gar membered friends like Germaine, Iwashi and my sister. Even with my family granting us to stay in KL for an extra week and more to get it done, chances of finishing it slowed down more and more. And as the days passed by, so did the pressure built with the manga.
I had to get everything done in KL before heading back to Ipoh to courier the finishing product since I don't have a scanner big enough to scan my manga papers because of the size. The only place I knew that didn't charge so much was the printers we visit everytime we print stuff for conventions.
And plus, since the deadline was so tight, I was left with only a strict amount of days to ink and scan then return home to ipoh to do minor editing and toning then ship it off to New York in time for the deadline. Apparently the courier needs maximum of 5 days in case of delay to get it there in time. Which means if I don't get the manga done by the 27th or 28th then I won't have enough time to get it there. Even though we had more than half to go, I and my sister refused to give in. The thought of defeat was far to bitter for us to taste even though it seemed all to likely.
On the morning of the 27th December 2010, I and my sister tirelessly inked all night long. Our hands hurt from applying pressure onto our inking pens. The pain shot up all the way to our elbows and without a wink of sleep from the night before, our heads start to scream in pain and our eyes feel heavy. 27th December by the way was the birthday of my youngest sister. And for those who knows me well, I do adore her very much.
As the clock in our living room tolled onto 8 AM, I turned to my sister who was tirelessly inking a page on a carton box on the living room floor. her hands were moving vigorously despite the obvious tire on her face.
"I think.. it's enough" I finally croaked. My sister looked at me with a solemn look on her face. I was thinking she was probably far to tired to show any range of emotions at that point. "It's Iffah's birthday. I think, we should go home." I could see that she was going to object, but she stopped at the sight of tears streaming down my face. She simply hugged me and say "It's ok. let's go home"
I'm not too sure why I cried much myself but I'm not the sort of person to easily tear up when it comes to things like these. All I knew was that I set out a goal for something I really wanted and I failed. It's not so much the contract of the publishing company I wanted so much but rather the fact that I've completed something that I've put my heart and soul into. But I guess somethings are not meant to be.
So we returned home to Ipoh where we enjoyed my sister's birthdays but currently I still haven't drawn anything worthwhile let alone touch the manga since then. I'm not sure if it's the post battle worn blues or just the fact that I drew too much in such a short period of time but for now it's getting harder and harder to draw things. Its as if I'm being hit with an artist block but not quite. like.. a half block.. if that makes any sense haha.
And by not being able to draw, I discover I'm pretty much useless everywhere else. I don't have any other skill I can seem to use to benefit others other than drawing. Made me think though, if I can't achieve my dreams in drawing, would I be as loved and reliable to others as I am now? I mean, I'm no Mother Theresa to be sure. But even to the handful of people who depend on me, would I be dependable to them as little as I do now?
I have my entrance exam to the Nanyang Academy in a couple of weeks and in my current state I'm not sure if I can score, let alone pass. I've never tested my skills is one and I doubt my level of art is equivalent even to the normal standard there.
So I'm slowly letting my head cool for now and figure things out. I don't know anyway else to handle it other than that now haha. Would appreciate some suggestions tho m(_ _)m
For now it seems, reading motivational books and keeping myself calm with new songs and positive messaged shows and videoclips tend to do the trick. I'm slowly pep talking myself into finishing the manga. now with 10 pages to go and plenty to beta, I hope it comes soon.
Hopefully I can finish the manga before my exam though I'm not too sure what I'm going to do with it now that the deadline is way passed. My parents and several friends suggested that I send it in anyways but I'm rethinking about that. We'll see. I mean, I know it'll be a 0.0000006% chance that they'll consider or even take a look at it if I send it this late but who knows. We'll see.
I do miss my friends though. Dearly. It seems that as I got to see them once for the past 2 months has only served to make me miss them more haha. It seems I depend too much on the little time we spend together in motivating me in my daily life haha. But I guess that's how much I love them (;´ρ`)
Well over all in all, I'll be doing my best to get back on the bandwagon and improve further for 2011!! がんばります！ファイトオオオオオオ！！( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/
here's a little reward for you who stuck through my post today haha. here's the list of songs I use to relax myself lately <3 Hope you guys enjoy it ;DDD
These past few days has been productive for me. Focusing on getting 9 seperate designs and 2 types of products for printing next Friday kept me busy enough. not to mention with my parents leaving for a few weeks to go abroad, makes me and my older sister incharge of the household. needless to say things can get pretty packed most of the days. If I'm not around the house helping out, I'd be at my laptop along with my tablet, scribbling away whilst my random rock music blasts in the background till 5 in the morning.
but man oh man.....
Reading Bakuman never ceases to give me the needed kick in the butt. Just finished reading chapters 104 & 105 and man.... I thought I'm hardworking already but Mashiro-sensei really REALLY is the exemplary example when it comes to portraying a hardworking mangaka. I've always thought the Ashirogi Muto duo has always strived to push themselves forward more than anyone in the series (yeah well... i mean they -are- the main characters) but man oh man.... the few latest chapters really made me believe that is so.
Just when I thought "hey, not bad. being productive today. proud of me" then I see Mashiro-sensei timing his sketches and I'll feel like................................"okay back to the drawing table" lawl!
in fact I don't even have to read Bakuman to feel like that. :D I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by hardworking peers that always strive to be their best even though (to me) they are at the spot where I feel like they can at least ease up a little. (i mean they're super good. I worship them lawl).
Anyways I'll be attending Animangaki and AFA X with a few new products <3 All I can say now is that they are DRRR! products ;D so please do look forward to them <3 Until then, Jya ne~!
For the final part of this post, I'd like to share about a fictional relationship. Yes, a relationship of two fictional characters portrayed above by the multi talented illustrator, Runia on Pixiv. Meet one of the Canon pairings of Persona 3, Aragaki Shinjiro and the Female Protagonist (known famously as Hamuko or Minako). I thought they are the perfect example for me to use to portray the importance of Sacrifice in a relationship.
The two are one of the better preferred pairings by many fans compared to the other cast of available men for the Protagonist. In the game, when you play as the female protagonist, you may choose 1 out of 3 men at the end of the game and majority of fans prefer this coupling right here. Initially I was surprised as well, but when I decided to experience the game myself, I understood why.
[SPOILER ALERT]
Aragaki Shinjiro had the least amount of time to spend with the Protagonist (one month to be exact) compared to the rest but it seems that his bond was the deepest. He was portrayed as a street thug initially, often gruffy and fouled mouthed, he uses these attributes to push away others as a fear of hurting them. He left the S.E.E.S group when an accident occured with his Persona, causing him to accidentally kill a by stander. this bystander later revealed to be a member of S.E.E.S' family member. That member is Ken Amada.
Blaming the accident purely on himself, he left S.E.E.S and wandered on the streets for a few years until he was forced back in by his childhood friend and ex-S.E.E.S comrade revealed that Ken Amada voluntarily joined S.E.E.S. Though this did little to his scary demeanor and attitude to life.
He started out being cold to the Protagonist but as she gets to know him more, she shows different sides of him and even come to slowly but surely rely on the Protagonist for emotional support and comfort. She helped him regain his ability to interact with his comrades and this influence his look about his own life as well. The once ready to throw his life away Shinjiro was now looking for ways to stay by her side longer. But things didn't go exactly as planned when he was shot twice when protecting Amada.
He ended up comatose up till the end of the game where he regain consciousness and his memories of the Protagonist. But he was far too late in reaching her when he dashes to her side at the school rooftop, only to know that she will compensate saving the world with her own life. As they exchanged their final words, her tiny life slips away from the her body that was in his arms.
[/SPOILER END]
You see, the main difference I spotted with Shinjiro compared to the other male choices wasn't that he had better lines or he was better looking (in fact, he may well be at the bottom for looking presentable), it was that during his brief relationship with the Protagonist, it was he who strived the hardest at leaving his comfort zone for her. He cooked for everyone even though he found it annoying, he was concerned on her well being more than his when he thought he was dying. These are all signs of commitment. He did these things not because he enjoyed it, but he did it because he wanted her to be happy.
Whilst yes, the Protagonist may have given up the most important thing to save the world but it's the why that's important. She did it to save the world that he was in. She did it for him.
They both understood very well the meaning of Sacrifice and in turn that made them understand what Love truly is. That and nothing else made them one of the strongest couple I've ever seen on any fictional material I've stumbled upon thus far.
Sacrifice in a relationship doesn't have to be dramatic all the time in real life. You don't have to end up with 2 bullets in your chest to proof your commitment. It's in sacrificing the things that you love the most for the right things that proves whether you are truly committed of not.
Things I've learned from this Couple:
1. Love is never a feeling. It's a commitment.
2. Always focus on the 'Why' instead of the 'Who'. Often times people fight because they think assigning the place to blame will make the problem go away; it doesn't. Focusing on the person's intentions also tend to make you see things in a different perspective.
These are my views on Love. The pointers that I've shared here today are not only derived from my own observation but also by the many books that I've read regarding this matter so do know that the things that are said here are not mine alone, but by many who have spent years of their lives in attaining them and I hope you have found them to be of your benefit.
These are merely penny for thoughts for you to ponder by the next time you come across topics concerning today's topic. Am I in love or is this infatuation? Am I committing enough to say that I love this person? Am I putting the other party first before myself? Am I doing enough to say that I'm improving myself? Am I stepping out of my comfort zone and etc.
So my only advice with these last 3 posts is that; the next time you're open your mouth and you are about to nonchalantly use those 3 words however you deem fit, I hope you'll remember what you read here and rethink your actions. Because sometimes, words don't physically hurt you but they stay with you. They can make or break a person, like explained in the 1st Couple's situation. People may not remember what you say or what you do to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Words are powerful indeed so use them wisely.
Last but not least, thank you for reading one of my longest posts till date. :D I hope you have learned a thing or two, as much as I have during my observation periods.
Until my next post, I love you all. :3 I bid you all a goodnight.
This next featured couple that I'll be talking about is living proof that True Love exists and it'll last as long as you want it to, as long as you do it right.
She was the popular yet sweet one. He was the quiet admirer. Both were good friends, as in genuine friends. The type of friend you'd call 4 AM in the morning if you need help or the one that you'll know won't leave you out to dry in dire situations. He had feelings for her, but she had no clue. Despite his strong affections for her, he decided to hold off his confession for her until he graduated from his studies. [Note: Priorities]
They were both students abroad at the time so while he waits for Graduation Day, he had to play the role of the best guy friend that lifts her back up whenever she was left devastated by other men. Everytime a guy breaks her heart into pieces, he will be the one she called and ask for advice and comfort. He tells her often that there will be someone better whilst secretly hoping that the said someone will be him someday.
Graduation Day came and he invited her to attend. She recently going through a giant hurdle in her life then, so she refused; saying that she'll meet up with him after. But for the first time in years of being friends, he demanded her presence there. Curious as to why the sudden change in attitude she attended anyways. He proposed. Nothing romantic, he proposed her from behind a cushion in fact.
At first she was going to promptly reply "No". It was at the tip of her tongue but it never came out. She thought about it. He was a good man. Not much of a looker, but kind and sweet. He also proved to be a good son by sending money monthly to his father in his hometown without fail. He was also a good Muslim and a good friend. But she just didn't feel anything for him in that way.
Her heart was telling her no, but somehow her head is telling her that he'd make the perfect husband. And plus noticing his ears all beet red just like the cushion he held in front of his face as he said those words made her realize that this wasn't an easy task for him to do. He was way out of his comfort zone that his comfort zone was practically no longer visible to him. So she told him that they'll try dating first, if they manage to initiate sparks in the course of the time they were dating, she'd marry him.
Today, 22 years and more than a dozen children later, they're still going strong. He still buys her a bouquet of roses and customary chocolates every Valentines. She still irons his clothes and gaze at him with genuine feelings. I'm not going to say that they ended 'Happily Ever After' since that does not exist in relationships. They do fight once in a while, but when they do they learn from them and emerge stronger than they were before. Anyways, a relationship without conflicts would mean something is seriously wrong there.
Things I learned From this Couple:
1. Infatuation doesn't have to happen first for a relationship to work. Sometimes using your head more than your heart is better. That's not to say you don't need your heart. Feelings like empathy or intuitions are not something your head can produce. Finding a balance between your mind and your heart is the right way of doing it. Moderation in everything.
2. The price of Delay Gratification. Sometimes when you pay up now, Life rewards you 10 times more later.
3. A good person will make a good spouse. When choosing a partner, take into consideration of how he treats others other than you. If he's courting you, he's sure to be sweet and nice, but he cannot hide his true nature with his habits and others.
Art not mine lawl. Found it randomly over various DRRR! fansites.
Hey there! ♪(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ Its quite a big gap between my previous post and this one. Much has happened in between then.
If you're wondering if the title signals that I'll be blogging about my all-time favourite Love Story of the same title....you guessed wrong. (sorry!) Though the title was derived from that said movie's awesome soundtrack which is also by the way, looping in the background as I type. Today I'm here to blog about my views about Love.
As the title suggests, saying "I love you" to someone has been taken lightly by many and often left unnoticed of the gravity it brings with. So what does saying "I Love You" really mean when you say it to someone?
In the recent weeks, I've had the front row seat to view Love or in this case, non-platonic relationships in a rather interesting perspective from various cases, both in fiction materials and also real life situations. From a decent age, I've been educated by my parents that Love is always misconceived as being a feeling entirely. When it is in actual fact a commitment. So what is it you feel when you're in the courting stage then you ask? that burning desire to claim your person of interest entirely or that shot to the heart when you first laid eyes on he/she or many more examples that are often used to portrayed love throughout the years by media and the public? Well, apparently that, ladies and gentlemen would be the feeling of Infactuation.
This is perceived many by relationship researchers (yes, there are people work day and night to specialize in this), as the number 1 reason for such high divorce rates that graced most parts of the world in our generation. Why would that be, you might wonder? Well, as we go back to the topic of Love being a commitment, we see that the word commitment defined by most sources would be:
"Commitment would mean performing your duties and responsibilities long after you lose the feeling of wanting to perform them."
Meaning, loving someone would mean that you do the things you do to provide and support (in all definitions) even when you don't feel like it anymore. Doing them long after the infactuation dies out. Even when you have to do things that are uncomfortable for you so that you can do right by your partner. Even if it would mean to do something for your partner just to see them happy, or it would result in them being happy but not necessarily with you. That, is the ultimate demonstration of Love.
So why bring this up you ask? Well, I'll share with you 3 couples and their stories that has happened to me in the recent weeks that has shaped my guides and principles in making the right decisions when it comes to relationships; platonic or non-platonic alike.
Situation #1: Victim Ego vs Doing What's Right
Recently an affiliate of mine went through some rough spots in her relationship with her "other half". Even though the relationship was started not too long ago, they got into fights often and being on of the people both parties opens up to gives me a huge look inside what was going in their relationship. They fight big and very frequent too.
One party will always on the offense while the other will remain on defense but often times, after the offense party has said his piece, he'd end the conversation dead right there and leave, leaving the defense party with multiple severe damages to her self esteem, emotional and mental stability. They meet often but usually they fought through the phone so it was easy to end conversations in a way. And being close to both of them leaves me with the tiring task of lifting either parties back on their feet. Usually then they get back together again after the offense party does his customary apology by saying 'he didn't mean it' or that 'he let his situation the better of him then'
As the offense party is often the man of the relationship, it really didn't sit too well with me. Not just that he was on the offense, but also how he was when he was on offense. He often use vulgar words to name the girl but always rationalize it by saying it was a 'heat-of-the-moment' thing. If he can verbally abuse the lady whenever he is in 'the-heat-of-the-moment', what would stop him from raising his hand to his wife and child later on? Abusers are often derived with lack of control in anger and vulgar words. Now this is not saying the girl has no faults, absolutely that is not the case here.
Everyone has flaws. And the main flaw that the girl has done was that she made herself a total doormat with him. (Note that she is no way like this with other people. In fact she was absolutely the dominant one every where else.) She gave him one too many leeway and space that it crippled him to the point of him being fully dependent on her in making any decisions. And that, resulted in him blaming her when the wrong decisions were made and with her blaming him for his inability to make a decision at all, much less the right one.
Both of them loved each other without a doubt, but obviously here, the feeling alone was not sufficient for the relationship to work. After things go too much for her mental state to handle, she told him that it was over.
Right now, it's been less than 2 months since she made her decision and she is slowly coping with it. She has always been great at masking her true feelings which is my ultimate worry, but so far she's been truthful about her progress. She's slowly regaining her confidence and self esteem and seems much healthier emotional and mental wise compared to the last few months of the relationship.
The guy, however turn completely wimp, if you'd pardon me saying. The once proud man is now messaging her dozens (literally) of messages a day to convince her of his regrets, (sometimes even literally beg her to return to him once more) and even calling her during the wee hours of the morning. She tried to rationally discuss with him about the outcome but he is incapable of concentrating on whatever it is she has to say to him because he argues that "he doesn't know where to put his pride if he has to tell his friends that their relationship is over." and many more voided arguments regarding how he feels as oppose to how he should be concerned of the effects the relationship has damaged her with.
Things I learned from this Couple:
1. Infatuation or the "feeling" of love is not enough in sustaining a relationship.Tremendous effort and principles play a vital role in helping you through the rough patches.
2. Relationship is a two way street. It's not enough if only one party fulfills the needed commitments and requirements, it has to be equal efforts from both parties.
3. Sometimes the ultimate act of love, is helping the other party grow, even if it means he/she going through extremely difficult situations. As long as it doesn't effect his/her life literally or against the law, it will help him/her grow. Character building requires a few tears and sweat. Without character building, you cripple the one you love the most. The bigger the pain, the bigger the victory.
4. Never make courting your number 1 priority. Having something else to focus on keeps you living if the said relationship doesn't work out. But if you make him/her the center of your universe or you'll have a difficult time getting back when it all goes supernova. Set your priorities straight. If you can prove that you can take care of yourself, then it'll give you the confidence to take care of someone else.
*Credit of the photo book photos to their rightful owners. Found most of them through Image Google since my camera and phone camera are giving me probs lawl. ( -- ε -- ;)
Cover of the book that has brought me joy just by flipping through the pages.
Books have always been a huge part of my life and continue to play such a role even today. I used to occupy my childhood days with reading encyclopedias as long as I'm not out causing mischief. My first passion were animals and in the 3rd grade I aspired to be a veterinarian and I often read books and drew animals as a way to express it. And my supporting parents made sure I was often surrounded by pets to practice and expose myself to them at a young age.
Though as soon as I hit 12 years old, my passion and aspirations changed altogether with the appearance of Manga in my life and soon abandoned my veterinarian ambition for ink, paper and adventure stories. My aspirations have took a different turn but my love for animals remains, especially for cats.
Ever since my passion for Manga kicked off, I cease to buy books that are not drawing or Manga related (with the exception of Self Motivation books since I can't function without them), and yesterday I broke my 7 year record by purchasing a Rachael Hale Photobook titled "101Cataclysms: For the Love of Cats" for a whopping RM16.90 bargain only. I fell in love with the first turn of the page and immediately proceeded to the counter for payment.
Rachael Hale is best known as an animal potrait photographer and looking through the pages, I can see why. 101 Cataclysms is not simply a cat photo book filled with cute cat pictures, but rather their artistic beauty and character as well. Her ability to make the cat look Angelic or Cheeky or even Sensuous astounded me. It has even inspired my parents and me to go out looking for a kitten of our own today!
Anyways enough with me rambling, here are some previews of the book. I fully recommend this book if you see it anywhere in bookstores. (I bought mine in Borders MidValley Gardens). Especially to all cat lovers and enthusiasts out there! Enjoy!
The cheeky Scottish Earfold Kitten, Merlin dozing off after a play day with his wizard's hat.
The feisty 11 year old Birman Cross, Saasha. This is one of my favourite in the entire collection.
2 year old Ragdoll Cross, Honey portrayed her namesake with this shot with bees. Ms. Hale picked out bees that died naturally in the hive and use adhesive to attach it to Honey's fur. I love reading the notes about each photograph.
A cute shot of 2 year old Domestic Shorthair, Guiness, who according to Ms. Hale was incredibly tolerant of having his vision temporarily obscured with his beanie.
A characteristic potrait of Charlotte, 8 year old Red Self Persian. Despite her snotty image portrayed above, Ms Hale describe her as "A fluffy bundle of cuddles and cat kisses." and "The most affectionate feline with the cutest squeak of a meow that melts your heart"
Fearless and in fact keenly, 2 year old Domestic Tabby, Cougar enjoyed his shoot with him in a tub of warm suds.
Well, Raya has calmed down now and a lot of people are moving back to their respective states to resume working life and the roads are starting to clear up.
Over the month of Raya alot has happened but not so much recently especially regarding some significant matters with my family. As a result of the recent series of events, I've decided to move back to my humble hometown of Ipoh as soon as I can. I don't mind, in fact I'm looking forward to being in the same roof with my sisters again until I go study abroad next year or so. :D
Though my only worry is that I can't get enough money for my yearly trip to Anime Festival Asia in Singapore. I planned to work extra hours when I get back but as the situation demands I can't do that at the moment. I've already forked up 80% of the needed so it's just a few hundreds more. Well I guess I'll just scrape my way through. >:3 Though that's a definite "no" to the concert though. .___. I really wanted to go since I've never been to a concert before and this time they managed to bring in SCANDAL, one of my all-time favourite bands. At first I thought it was possible to go for one day (since it's a 2 day concert) but I guess next time..huh. X"D
Ah, and my efforts to submit an entry to the OTACOOL 4 contest is apparently extinguished since I'm only returning to KL by Monday so only then can I scan my illustration which would leave me less than a day (since I'll be working for the last time at my part time), to CG it and for a completed piece according to my track record that's not going to happen haha. I've tried to locate a scanner to use here (since I use B4 paper) but the cheapest costs up to RM5000+ alone so I guess not now. So for now I'll be relying on the printing shop I've always frequent for scanning TwT
BUT NONETHELESS! none of this dampens my spirits in doing my best! >8D FIGHTO FIGHTO OOOOOOOUUU!!!!!! *slaps tummy*
Do I have the best group of friends in the world or what?
Just when I'm down face flat on the ground, I'm picked back up and kicked in the butt to run again. This is why I feel I have the best people around me physically and spiritually TwT They make me into an invincible Daruma Doll; just roll myself back up when I'm turned upside down~
My current desktop. Wallpaper courtesy of Danny Choo from his Wallpaper Pool.
Don't ask. Just feeling below the weather by alot of things (mainly just a few). I'm not the sort of person who likes being shoved and pushed around by people who don't care the effect it has on me. -___-;;;
Anyways, my desktop wallpaper right now describes my current fandom: Rillakuma. No, I'm not kya-kya-ing over it like some twitchy 6 year old but I find myself drawn to them everytime I see one. I think it's my female instinct taking over. My phone wallpaper is the face of Rillakuma as well. What is happening to me /orz. Though it does have a calming effect on me.... (I need it so bad right now).
Well with AFA X coming around the corner and their official announcements of what and who will be available, everyone's bustling around for money and whatnot. Not to mention the concert this year provided all 5 sensational favourites JAM Project, Aniki, SCANDAL, Angela and MAY'N. Don't even say about the concert, I'm still struggling to come up with accommodation and traveling fees. And I'm already skimping out on the food by smuggling in instant noodles. Not to mention the TTGL Fanbook printing.
Nonetheless, I proceeded to ask my manager at my part time place for more hours when I get back in order to make some extra bucks. And I'm prepared to sell off alot of items in my closet in order to scrape whatever little I can. >___<;;; I don't mind working hard. I have no frets about that, I'm not under the weather about the money (well kinda, but that's not the main reason). I'm just a little down with the people I thought would support me in working hard when their half heartiness in supporting me. Oh well, I guess they're all just pieces of the puzzle for me to solve, as Danny Choo would say. Things could be worse.
>_______< *slapself* RIGHT! No more sulking around~! Shall do my best to make money and at least have some extra cash to spend if I can't make enough for the 2nd day concert. いつもどおり、がんばります！SCANDALまっててね！
I am a freelancing comic artist / entrepreneur out here to make aspirations a reality. Born on this tiny strip of land called Malaysia, I'm striving hard to make it out here in the harsh realities of life. Currently an avid stalker of anything that has huge boosters, karaoke and manly talk.
