Hello Again, this place I Used to Know

The Zhang Brothers and Nadjwa having fun on new years days. Happy New Years guys! :D

Hey guys!

slight rant entry so long words and no pics sorry :X do turn away if it annoys you yeah?

been piped up and busy so barely managed to have much time to myself. :D things didn't stop getting busy from weeks before AFA X ; with the prints and preparations. Not to mention had a slight dilemma with having less than RM50 travelling to Singapore haha. Anyways, with the excitement over the weekend of AFA X, the moment we touched down in Malaysia, I found myself with a 3 day fever haha.

Thanks to my good friend, Germaine and "changing shifts in having fever" with my sister, I recovered soon but dived again into work when I heard about a certain publishing companies' Audition announced just 1 month before the deadline. It was an audtion made for manga and opened for international artists. I didn't think twice and dove right in. I didn't even hesitated in the short time period given.

But a chat with a good friend of mine did make me questions my methods in diving into work so fast. He did mention that I was "taking the world on my shoulders" by doing this and frankly, I didn't think that it was that big a deal. If I get it, I get it. If I don't better luck next time...right?

Well as weeks rolled over, I speed up the production process. With the help of my sister cum manga assistant, we were doubling our work pace but the window of opportunity is closing fast. We even had a local convention that weekend so we shifted our work place to our KL apartment. It was treacherous, draining and very taxing on our physical and mental state.

Everytime I feel like throwing in the towel, I'd remember what many told me about my current state in work and I'd burn with a feeling to succeed. To prove them wrong. They'd always mention how when I plan something big, it'll always fall short before coming to light. Well I was determined to prove that, that isn't the case. After all no matter how much effort I put into something, if the result doesn't show, there isn't much to be proud off right?

With these thoughts in mind, I tolled myself to finish the 42 page manga, with the undying support of many of my gar membered friends like Germaine, Iwashi and my sister. Even with my family granting us to stay in KL for an extra week and more to get it done, chances of finishing it slowed down more and more. And as the days passed by, so did the pressure built with the manga.

I had to get everything done in KL before heading back to Ipoh to courier the finishing product since I don't have a scanner big enough to scan my manga papers because of the size. The only place I knew that didn't charge so much was the printers we visit everytime we print stuff for conventions.

And plus, since the deadline was so tight, I was left with only a strict amount of days to ink and scan then return home to ipoh to do minor editing and toning then ship it off to New York in time for the deadline. Apparently the courier needs maximum of 5 days in case of delay to get it there in time. Which means if I don't get the manga done by the 27th or 28th then I won't have enough time to get it there. Even though we had more than half to go, I and my sister refused to give in. The thought of defeat was far to bitter for us to taste even though it seemed all to likely.

On the morning of the 27th December 2010, I and my sister tirelessly inked all night long. Our hands hurt from applying pressure onto our inking pens. The pain shot up all the way to our elbows and without a wink of sleep from the night before, our heads start to scream in pain and our eyes feel heavy. 27th December by the way was the birthday of my youngest sister. And for those who knows me well, I do adore her very much.

As the clock in our living room tolled onto 8 AM, I turned to my sister who was tirelessly inking a page on a carton box on the living room floor. her hands were moving vigorously despite the obvious tire on her face.

"I think.. it's enough" I finally croaked. My sister looked at me with a solemn look on her face. I was thinking she was probably far to tired to show any range of emotions at that point. "It's Iffah's birthday. I think, we should go home." I could see that she was going to object, but she stopped at the sight of tears streaming down my face. She simply hugged me and say "It's ok. let's go home"

I'm not too sure why I cried much myself but I'm not the sort of person to easily tear up when it comes to things like these. All I knew was that I set out a goal for something I really wanted and I failed. It's not so much the contract of the publishing company I wanted so much but rather the fact that I've completed something that I've put my heart and soul into. But I guess somethings are not meant to be.

So we returned home to Ipoh where we enjoyed my sister's birthdays but currently I still haven't drawn anything worthwhile let alone touch the manga since then. I'm not sure if it's the post battle worn blues or just the fact that I drew too much in such a short period of time but for now it's getting harder and harder to draw things. Its as if I'm being hit with an artist block but not quite. like.. a half block.. if that makes any sense haha.

And by not being able to draw, I discover I'm pretty much useless everywhere else. I don't have any other skill I can seem to use to benefit others other than drawing. Made me think though, if I can't achieve my dreams in drawing, would I be as loved and reliable to others as I am now? I mean, I'm no Mother Theresa to be sure. But even to the handful of people who depend on me, would I be dependable to them as little as I do now?

I have my entrance exam to the Nanyang Academy in a couple of weeks and in my current state I'm not sure if I can score, let alone pass. I've never tested my skills is one and I doubt my level of art is equivalent even to the normal standard there.

So I'm slowly letting my head cool for now and figure things out. I don't know anyway else to handle it other than that now haha. Would appreciate some suggestions tho m(_ _)m

For now it seems, reading motivational books and keeping myself calm with new songs and positive messaged shows and videoclips tend to do the trick. I'm slowly pep talking myself into finishing the manga. now with 10 pages to go and plenty to beta, I hope it comes soon.

Hopefully I can finish the manga before my exam though I'm not too sure what I'm going to do with it now that the deadline is way passed. My parents and several friends suggested that I send it in anyways but I'm rethinking about that. We'll see. I mean, I know it'll be a 0.0000006% chance that they'll consider or even take a look at it if I send it this late but who knows. We'll see.

I do miss my friends though. Dearly. It seems that as I got to see them once for the past 2 months has only served to make me miss them more haha. It seems I depend too much on the little time we spend together in motivating me in my daily life haha. But I guess that's how much I love them (;´ρ`)

Well over all in all, I'll be doing my best to get back on the bandwagon and improve further for 2011!! がんばります！ファイトオオオオオオ！！( ﾟ▽ﾟ)/

here's a little reward for you who stuck through my post today haha. here's the list of songs I use to relax myself lately <3 Hope you guys enjoy it ;DDD

"Hello, Again - 昔からある芭蕉 - JUJU"



"ぬくもり - HOME MADE KAZOKU"



"君が暮らす町　－Shouta Shimizu"