P.S... I Love You : Part 3

Read Part 1 & Part 2 first?



Situation #3 : Sacrifices

For the final part of this post, I'd like to share about a fictional relationship. Yes, a relationship of two fictional characters portrayed above by the multi talented illustrator, Runia on Pixiv. Meet one of the Canon pairings of Persona 3, Aragaki Shinjiro and the Female Protagonist (known famously as Hamuko or Minako). I thought they are the perfect example for me to use to portray the importance of Sacrifice in a relationship.

The two are one of the better preferred pairings by many fans compared to the other cast of available men for the Protagonist. In the game, when you play as the female protagonist, you may choose 1 out of 3 men at the end of the game and majority of fans prefer this coupling right here. Initially I was surprised as well, but when I decided to experience the game myself, I understood why.

[SPOILER ALERT]

Aragaki Shinjiro had the least amount of time to spend with the Protagonist (one month to be exact) compared to the rest but it seems that his bond was the deepest. He was portrayed as a street thug initially, often gruffy and fouled mouthed, he uses these attributes to push away others as a fear of hurting them. He left the S.E.E.S group when an accident occured with his Persona, causing him to accidentally kill a by stander. this bystander later revealed to be a member of S.E.E.S' family member. That member is Ken Amada.

Blaming the accident purely on himself, he left S.E.E.S and wandered on the streets for a few years until he was forced back in by his childhood friend and ex-S.E.E.S comrade revealed that Ken Amada voluntarily joined S.E.E.S. Though this did little to his scary demeanor and attitude to life.

He started out being cold to the Protagonist but as she gets to know him more, she shows different sides of him and even come to slowly but surely rely on the Protagonist for emotional support and comfort. She helped him regain his ability to interact with his comrades and this influence his look about his own life as well. The once ready to throw his life away Shinjiro was now looking for ways to stay by her side longer. But things didn't go exactly as planned when he was shot twice when protecting Amada.

He ended up comatose up till the end of the game where he regain consciousness and his memories of the Protagonist. But he was far too late in reaching her when he dashes to her side at the school rooftop, only to know that she will compensate saving the world with her own life. As they exchanged their final words, her tiny life slips away from the her body that was in his arms.

[/SPOILER END]

You see, the main difference I spotted with Shinjiro compared to the other male choices wasn't that he had better lines or he was better looking (in fact, he may well be at the bottom for looking presentable), it was that during his brief relationship with the Protagonist, it was he who strived the hardest at leaving his comfort zone for her. He cooked for everyone even though he found it annoying, he was concerned on her well being more than his when he thought he was dying. These are all signs of commitment. He did these things not because he enjoyed it, but he did it because he wanted her to be happy.

Whilst yes, the Protagonist may have given up the most important thing to save the world but it's the why that's important. She did it to save the world that he was in. She did it for him.

They both understood very well the meaning of Sacrifice and in turn that made them understand what Love truly is. That and nothing else made them one of the strongest couple I've ever seen on any fictional material I've stumbled upon thus far.

Sacrifice in a relationship doesn't have to be dramatic all the time in real life. You don't have to end up with 2 bullets in your chest to proof your commitment. It's in sacrificing the things that you love the most for the right things that proves whether you are truly committed of not.

Things I've learned from this Couple:

1. Love is never a feeling. It's a commitment.

2. Always focus on the 'Why' instead of the 'Who'. Often times people fight because they think assigning the place to blame will make the problem go away; it doesn't. Focusing on the person's intentions also tend to make you see things in a different perspective.

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These are my views on Love. The pointers that I've shared here today are not only derived from my own observation but also by the many books that I've read regarding this matter so do know that the things that are said here are not mine alone, but by many who have spent years of their lives in attaining them and I hope you have found them to be of your benefit.

These are merely penny for thoughts for you to ponder by the next time you come across topics concerning today's topic. Am I in love or is this infatuation? Am I committing enough to say that I love this person? Am I putting the other party first before myself? Am I doing enough to say that I'm improving myself? Am I stepping out of my comfort zone and etc.

So my only advice with these last 3 posts is that; the next time you're open your mouth and you are about to nonchalantly use those 3 words however you deem fit, I hope you'll remember what you read here and rethink your actions. Because sometimes, words don't physically hurt you but they stay with you. They can make or break a person, like explained in the 1st Couple's situation. People may not remember what you say or what you do to them, but they will never forget how you made them feel. Words are powerful indeed so use them wisely.

Last but not least, thank you for reading one of my longest posts till date. :D I hope you have learned a thing or two, as much as I have during my observation periods.

Until my next post, I love you all. :3 I bid you all a goodnight.

P.S... I Love You : Part 2

Continued from the previous post: P.S...I Love You : Part 1

Next Post: P.S...I Love You : Part 3



Situation #2 : Love Often Comes Softly

This next featured couple that I'll be talking about is living proof that True Love exists and it'll last as long as you want it to, as long as you do it right.

She was the popular yet sweet one. He was the quiet admirer. Both were good friends, as in genuine friends. The type of friend you'd call 4 AM in the morning if you need help or the one that you'll know won't leave you out to dry in dire situations. He had feelings for her, but she had no clue. Despite his strong affections for her, he decided to hold off his confession for her until he graduated from his studies. [Note: Priorities]

They were both students abroad at the time so while he waits for Graduation Day, he had to play the role of the best guy friend that lifts her back up whenever she was left devastated by other men. Everytime a guy breaks her heart into pieces, he will be the one she called and ask for advice and comfort. He tells her often that there will be someone better whilst secretly hoping that the said someone will be him someday.

Graduation Day came and he invited her to attend. She recently going through a giant hurdle in her life then, so she refused; saying that she'll meet up with him after. But for the first time in years of being friends, he demanded her presence there. Curious as to why the sudden change in attitude she attended anyways. He proposed. Nothing romantic, he proposed her from behind a cushion in fact.

At first she was going to promptly reply "No". It was at the tip of her tongue but it never came out. She thought about it. He was a good man. Not much of a looker, but kind and sweet. He also proved to be a good son by sending money monthly to his father in his hometown without fail. He was also a good Muslim and a good friend. But she just didn't feel anything for him in that way.

Her heart was telling her no, but somehow her head is telling her that he'd make the perfect husband. And plus noticing his ears all beet red just like the cushion he held in front of his face as he said those words made her realize that this wasn't an easy task for him to do. He was way out of his comfort zone that his comfort zone was practically no longer visible to him. So she told him that they'll try dating first, if they manage to initiate sparks in the course of the time they were dating, she'd marry him.

Today, 22 years and more than a dozen children later, they're still going strong. He still buys her a bouquet of roses and customary chocolates every Valentines. She still irons his clothes and gaze at him with genuine feelings. I'm not going to say that they ended 'Happily Ever After' since that does not exist in relationships. They do fight once in a while, but when they do they learn from them and emerge stronger than they were before. Anyways, a relationship without conflicts would mean something is seriously wrong there.

Things I learned From this Couple:

1. Infatuation doesn't have to happen first for a relationship to work. Sometimes using your head more than your heart is better. That's not to say you don't need your heart. Feelings like empathy or intuitions are not something your head can produce. Finding a balance between your mind and your heart is the right way of doing it. Moderation in everything.

2. The price of Delay Gratification. Sometimes when you pay up now, Life rewards you 10 times more later.

3. A good person will make a good spouse. When choosing a partner, take into consideration of how he treats others other than you. If he's courting you, he's sure to be sweet and nice, but he cannot hide his true nature with his habits and others.

P.S... I Love You : Part 1

Art not mine lawl. Found it randomly over various DRRR! fansites.

Hey there! ♪(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ Its quite a big gap between my previous post and this one. Much has happened in between then.

If you're wondering if the title signals that I'll be blogging about my all-time favourite Love Story of the same title....you guessed wrong. (sorry!) Though the title was derived from that said movie's awesome soundtrack which is also by the way, looping in the background as I type. Today I'm here to blog about my views about Love.

As the title suggests, saying "I love you" to someone has been taken lightly by many and often left unnoticed of the gravity it brings with. So what does saying "I Love You" really mean when you say it to someone?

In the recent weeks, I've had the front row seat to view Love or in this case, non-platonic relationships in a rather interesting perspective from various cases, both in fiction materials and also real life situations. From a decent age, I've been educated by my parents that Love is always misconceived as being a feeling entirely. When it is in actual fact a commitment. So what is it you feel when you're in the courting stage then you ask? that burning desire to claim your person of interest entirely or that shot to the heart when you first laid eyes on he/she or many more examples that are often used to portrayed love throughout the years by media and the public? Well, apparently that, ladies and gentlemen would be the feeling of Infactuation.

This is perceived many by relationship researchers (yes, there are people work day and night to specialize in this), as the number 1 reason for such high divorce rates that graced most parts of the world in our generation. Why would that be, you might wonder? Well, as we go back to the topic of Love being a commitment, we see that the word commitment defined by most sources would be:

"Commitment would mean performing your duties and responsibilities long after you lose the feeling of wanting to perform them."

Meaning, loving someone would mean that you do the things you do to provide and support (in all definitions) even when you don't feel like it anymore. Doing them long after the infactuation dies out. Even when you have to do things that are uncomfortable for you so that you can do right by your partner. Even if it would mean to do something for your partner just to see them happy, or it would result in them being happy but not necessarily with you. That, is the ultimate demonstration of Love.

So why bring this up you ask? Well, I'll share with you 3 couples and their stories that has happened to me in the recent weeks that has shaped my guides and principles in making the right decisions when it comes to relationships; platonic or non-platonic alike.

Situation #1: Victim Ego vs Doing What's Right

Recently an affiliate of mine went through some rough spots in her relationship with her "other half". Even though the relationship was started not too long ago, they got into fights often and being on of the people both parties opens up to gives me a huge look inside what was going in their relationship. They fight big and very frequent too.

One party will always on the offense while the other will remain on defense but often times, after the offense party has said his piece, he'd end the conversation dead right there and leave, leaving the defense party with multiple severe damages to her self esteem, emotional and mental stability. They meet often but usually they fought through the phone so it was easy to end conversations in a way. And being close to both of them leaves me with the tiring task of lifting either parties back on their feet. Usually then they get back together again after the offense party does his customary apology by saying 'he didn't mean it' or that 'he let his situation the better of him then'

As the offense party is often the man of the relationship, it really didn't sit too well with me. Not just that he was on the offense, but also how he was when he was on offense. He often use vulgar words to name the girl but always rationalize it by saying it was a 'heat-of-the-moment' thing. If he can verbally abuse the lady whenever he is in 'the-heat-of-the-moment', what would stop him from raising his hand to his wife and child later on? Abusers are often derived with lack of control in anger and vulgar words. Now this is not saying the girl has no faults, absolutely that is not the case here.

Everyone has flaws. And the main flaw that the girl has done was that she made herself a total doormat with him. (Note that she is no way like this with other people. In fact she was absolutely the dominant one every where else.) She gave him one too many leeway and space that it crippled him to the point of him being fully dependent on her in making any decisions. And that, resulted in him blaming her when the wrong decisions were made and with her blaming him for his inability to make a decision at all, much less the right one.

Both of them loved each other without a doubt, but obviously here, the feeling alone was not sufficient for the relationship to work. After things go too much for her mental state to handle, she told him that it was over.

Right now, it's been less than 2 months since she made her decision and she is slowly coping with it. She has always been great at masking her true feelings which is my ultimate worry, but so far she's been truthful about her progress. She's slowly regaining her confidence and self esteem and seems much healthier emotional and mental wise compared to the last few months of the relationship.

The guy, however turn completely wimp, if you'd pardon me saying. The once proud man is now messaging her dozens (literally) of messages a day to convince her of his regrets, (sometimes even literally beg her to return to him once more) and even calling her during the wee hours of the morning. She tried to rationally discuss with him about the outcome but he is incapable of concentrating on whatever it is she has to say to him because he argues that "he doesn't know where to put his pride if he has to tell his friends that their relationship is over." and many more voided arguments regarding how he feels as oppose to how he should be concerned of the effects the relationship has damaged her with.

Things I learned from this Couple:

1. Infatuation or the "feeling" of love is not enough in sustaining a relationship. Tremendous effort and principles play a vital role in helping you through the rough patches.

2. Relationship is a two way street. It's not enough if only one party fulfills the needed commitments and requirements, it has to be equal efforts from both parties.

3. Sometimes the ultimate act of love, is helping the other party grow, even if it means he/she going through extremely difficult situations. As long as it doesn't effect his/her life literally or against the law, it will help him/her grow. Character building requires a few tears and sweat. Without character building, you cripple the one you love the most. The bigger the pain, the bigger the victory.

4. Never make courting your number 1 priority. Having something else to focus on keeps you living if the said relationship doesn't work out. But if you make him/her the center of your universe or you'll have a difficult time getting back when it all goes supernova. Set your priorities straight. If you can prove that you can take care of yourself, then it'll give you the confidence to take care of someone else.

Continued in the next post: P.S...I Love You : Part 2