P.S... I Love You : Part 1

Art not mine lawl. Found it randomly over various DRRR! fansites.

Hey there! ♪(ﾉ´∀｀*)ﾉ Its quite a big gap between my previous post and this one. Much has happened in between then.

If you're wondering if the title signals that I'll be blogging about my all-time favourite Love Story of the same title....you guessed wrong. (sorry!) Though the title was derived from that said movie's awesome soundtrack which is also by the way, looping in the background as I type. Today I'm here to blog about my views about Love.

As the title suggests, saying "I love you" to someone has been taken lightly by many and often left unnoticed of the gravity it brings with. So what does saying "I Love You" really mean when you say it to someone?

In the recent weeks, I've had the front row seat to view Love or in this case, non-platonic relationships in a rather interesting perspective from various cases, both in fiction materials and also real life situations. From a decent age, I've been educated by my parents that Love is always misconceived as being a feeling entirely. When it is in actual fact a commitment. So what is it you feel when you're in the courting stage then you ask? that burning desire to claim your person of interest entirely or that shot to the heart when you first laid eyes on he/she or many more examples that are often used to portrayed love throughout the years by media and the public? Well, apparently that, ladies and gentlemen would be the feeling of Infactuation.

This is perceived many by relationship researchers (yes, there are people work day and night to specialize in this), as the number 1 reason for such high divorce rates that graced most parts of the world in our generation. Why would that be, you might wonder? Well, as we go back to the topic of Love being a commitment, we see that the word commitment defined by most sources would be:

"Commitment would mean performing your duties and responsibilities long after you lose the feeling of wanting to perform them."

Meaning, loving someone would mean that you do the things you do to provide and support (in all definitions) even when you don't feel like it anymore. Doing them long after the infactuation dies out. Even when you have to do things that are uncomfortable for you so that you can do right by your partner. Even if it would mean to do something for your partner just to see them happy, or it would result in them being happy but not necessarily with you. That, is the ultimate demonstration of Love.

So why bring this up you ask? Well, I'll share with you 3 couples and their stories that has happened to me in the recent weeks that has shaped my guides and principles in making the right decisions when it comes to relationships; platonic or non-platonic alike.

Situation #1: Victim Ego vs Doing What's Right

Recently an affiliate of mine went through some rough spots in her relationship with her "other half". Even though the relationship was started not too long ago, they got into fights often and being on of the people both parties opens up to gives me a huge look inside what was going in their relationship. They fight big and very frequent too.

One party will always on the offense while the other will remain on defense but often times, after the offense party has said his piece, he'd end the conversation dead right there and leave, leaving the defense party with multiple severe damages to her self esteem, emotional and mental stability. They meet often but usually they fought through the phone so it was easy to end conversations in a way. And being close to both of them leaves me with the tiring task of lifting either parties back on their feet. Usually then they get back together again after the offense party does his customary apology by saying 'he didn't mean it' or that 'he let his situation the better of him then'

As the offense party is often the man of the relationship, it really didn't sit too well with me. Not just that he was on the offense, but also how he was when he was on offense. He often use vulgar words to name the girl but always rationalize it by saying it was a 'heat-of-the-moment' thing. If he can verbally abuse the lady whenever he is in 'the-heat-of-the-moment', what would stop him from raising his hand to his wife and child later on? Abusers are often derived with lack of control in anger and vulgar words. Now this is not saying the girl has no faults, absolutely that is not the case here.

Everyone has flaws. And the main flaw that the girl has done was that she made herself a total doormat with him. (Note that she is no way like this with other people. In fact she was absolutely the dominant one every where else.) She gave him one too many leeway and space that it crippled him to the point of him being fully dependent on her in making any decisions. And that, resulted in him blaming her when the wrong decisions were made and with her blaming him for his inability to make a decision at all, much less the right one.

Both of them loved each other without a doubt, but obviously here, the feeling alone was not sufficient for the relationship to work. After things go too much for her mental state to handle, she told him that it was over.

Right now, it's been less than 2 months since she made her decision and she is slowly coping with it. She has always been great at masking her true feelings which is my ultimate worry, but so far she's been truthful about her progress. She's slowly regaining her confidence and self esteem and seems much healthier emotional and mental wise compared to the last few months of the relationship.

The guy, however turn completely wimp, if you'd pardon me saying. The once proud man is now messaging her dozens (literally) of messages a day to convince her of his regrets, (sometimes even literally beg her to return to him once more) and even calling her during the wee hours of the morning. She tried to rationally discuss with him about the outcome but he is incapable of concentrating on whatever it is she has to say to him because he argues that "he doesn't know where to put his pride if he has to tell his friends that their relationship is over." and many more voided arguments regarding how he feels as oppose to how he should be concerned of the effects the relationship has damaged her with.

Things I learned from this Couple:

1. Infatuation or the "feeling" of love is not enough in sustaining a relationship. Tremendous effort and principles play a vital role in helping you through the rough patches.

2. Relationship is a two way street. It's not enough if only one party fulfills the needed commitments and requirements, it has to be equal efforts from both parties.

3. Sometimes the ultimate act of love, is helping the other party grow, even if it means he/she going through extremely difficult situations. As long as it doesn't effect his/her life literally or against the law, it will help him/her grow. Character building requires a few tears and sweat. Without character building, you cripple the one you love the most. The bigger the pain, the bigger the victory.

4. Never make courting your number 1 priority. Having something else to focus on keeps you living if the said relationship doesn't work out. But if you make him/her the center of your universe or you'll have a difficult time getting back when it all goes supernova. Set your priorities straight. If you can prove that you can take care of yourself, then it'll give you the confidence to take care of someone else.

Continued in the next post: P.S...I Love You : Part 2